


Attack of the Killer Napkins

by snekwami



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Gen, S3 spoilers, please don't take this seriously it's mostly cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-13 06:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16887258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snekwami/pseuds/snekwami
Summary: Max and Lila are the smartest kids in the class. Together, they're unbeatable.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't been able to stop thinking about Max being all like "LILA YOU SAVED MY EYES!" when she blocked the napkin I'm... oh man I just needed to write something stupid anyway this won't be too long I think and gets even stupider and also this is highkey the best brotp ever

Max was already halfway home from school when the thought occurred to him.

_The corners of napkins can’t gouge out eyes._

He stopped dead in his tracks, completely shook. How had he allowed himself to believe something so blatantly illogical?!

To be fair, he had barely had any sleep at all over the past few days – it turned out that having a Twitch fanbase of mostly Americans meant that he stayed up way too late streaming just to match their time zones, even though it was a bad idea in the long run. That was probably a factor.

But what about everyone else? How had they been duped by something so preposterous?

The more he considered it, the more ridiculous all of Lila’s stories had been. Saving a kitten from a runway? Jagged Stone would never have let any pilot be so irresponsible. Tinnitus magically cured by Ladybug? No, from his research and the facts on the Ladyblog, he knew that Ladybug’s magic only healed what was broken during akuma attacks.

Napkins being able to gouge out people’s eyes?! Wow. He must have been _really_ sleep-deprived not to see through that.

So then Lila had made all these things up. But why? And how was everyone still entranced by her tall stories? He simply had to know. It was strange, really, that the thought of having been fooled by such a mastermind wasn’t annoying him at all. If anything, he was impressed! It had never occurred to him that there might ever be someone in his class that could ever match his intellect.

Or surpass it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Lila, may I speak to you?”

Lila turned around to see the class nerd standing there. What was his name again? Oh yes, Max. Lila always prided herself on remembering people’s names, no matter how insignificant they were to her.

“Of course, Max!” She put a welcoming smile on her face. “What’s up?”

Max did not waste a second before launching into a speech that sent a chill through Lila’s blood. “You never had tinnitus. Your wrist isn’t sprained. You didn’t save Jagged Stone’s kitten. You’ve never met Prince Ali. Ladybug is not your best friend. And napkins can’t gouge out people’s eyes.”

Another one had figured it out? What was with this class?! Marinette had been bad enough, deciding to go against Lila for no good reason when they could easily have been friends, and Adrien trying to preach life lessons at her had been less than pleasant. And now Max was going to start doing it too!

“If you’re going to try telling me to stop lying then I advise you to save your breath,” she huffed. To her surprise, Max smiled and shook his head.

“Actually I have no intention of asking you to change your behaviour at all.”

“Wait… really?”

“It’s fascinating! I’ve never met anyone with this level of charisma before. Of course if you want to stop lying then I’d be happy for that too, as I suppose my classmates won’t be pleased if they discover the truth through other means, but this truly is so interesting! It would be a lot of fun to do a study on your personality.”

Wow, what an absolute geek. A study, really! As if she was some scientific experiment!

But then again… maybe she could use this.

“I suppose you can do a study on me,” she said, giving her long hair a flick, “but on two very important conditions. Firstly, you can’t tell anyone that I’ve been lying.”

“I promise I won’t.”

“Good, or I’ll end your social and online life so hard you’ll wish you’d never met me. And the second condition: you have to still be my friend.”

He nodded eagerly. “Yes, I was hoping to anyway! That would make it easier to analyse your behaviour. I’ll hang out with you as much as you want.”

“Perfect!” Lila clapped her hands together a few times, her smile growing. “So Max, what are we waiting for? Let’s go talk to people, and you can start studying me right away!”

She grabbed his arm and began pulling him off towards the classroom – though considering how willingly he was going along with this, he probably didn’t even need that.

Hmm… this was playing with fire, in a way. Sure, Max had said he wasn’t going to expose her, but what if he did so after he got his results? What if this entire thing was just some ploy to get her to fall for her own game? What if he was in cahoots with Marinette?

Lila couldn’t help it, though. She loved the attention. She thrived off it. She simply couldn’t live without it. And the class nerd wanted to do an entire study about her! How could she resist an opportunity like that? Now Max was going to pay more attention to her than ever!

Perhaps she could charm him into properly being on her side, if he really was intending to double-cross her somewhere down the line. She had faith in her own abilities.

And even if she still failed, and her lies were exposed for everyone to see… at least she could count on Hawk Moth to send her an akuma. She would make them all pay.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Being Lila’s “sidekick”, as it were, had benefits to it. Max was permitted to sit with her at her “royalty table” at lunch, being waited on by his eager classmates.

“My sprained wrist is almost healed, darling,” Lila said to Rose, giving her a light pat on the head. “Then I’ll be able to carry my own plates. Unless, of course, knowing my rotten luck, something else curses me…”

She sighed and turned to stare at her food. Rose immediately began squeaking some cheerful spiel about keeping poor Lila protected and safe at all costs so that no more misfortune could befall her.

Well, well, well… how interesting. So, Lila garnered sympathy from her classmates by exaggerating bad things that had happened to her. Or making them all up entirely.

“Did you really sprain your wrist?” Max asked under his breath once the others had left to eat their own lunches.

“Of course I did, Max! Don’t you believe me?” She batted her long lashes at him.

“Sorry, I’ll be more specific. Have you sprained your wrist _within the past few weeks?”_

Lila scowled. “Fine, no… it was when I was a little kid.”

“I see. You’re justifying this to yourself by keeping your story at least partially true. And you’re exaggerating it on purpose to make everyone feel sorry for you, so that when you show off they won’t be too jealous or annoyed. It’s simply a way of keeping the attention on yourself no matter what.”

Lila just stared at him for a few seconds before speaking again, not even eating. “Max… why do you not mind that I lie?”

“Well, I…”

“No wait, I get it. You love studying. You’ll go after knowledge no matter the cost. I’m the most interesting person you’ve ever met, so you want me to stay the same, because your pursuit of knowledge about me is more important to you than the feelings of your classmates.”

Oof. Max ignored the pangs of guilt inside. “I suppose that’s true…”

“Of course it is! I’m as good at studying people as you are, you know. And that’s not a lie!” She gave him a rather smug grin.

Max simply began eating his food. He was aware of Kim watching him from halfway across the room somewhat wistfully – did he think Max had abandoned him? That wasn’t the case! Max was just studying, that was all. And he couldn’t tell anyone about it, not even Kim. Surely Kim would be okay with that?

 

 

* * *

 

 

“It’s so nice to meet you!” Lila gushed, genuinely pretty impressed at the little robot hovering around in the air in front of her. “Did you know I’m a programmer too?”

“That’s so exciting!” Markov said. “It’s so nice to meet you too! I wish we could have met at school, but I keep getting into trouble there, so it’s better for me to stay at home for now…”

Max cleared his throat. “Lila, are you actually a programmer? Really?”

Lila shot him a glare. He wasn’t supposed to expose her lies in front of anyone – not even a robot!

But then again, this robot never went to school anymore, right? Maybe it was safe. Max would probably tell him everything anyway.

“Fine,” Lila sighed. “I made a game on Scratch once. That counts as being a programmer though, doesn’t it?”

“It’s certainly a start.”

A start! That wasn’t good enough.

“Maybe you could teach me sometime?” she asked, but from Max’s unimpressed shrug, she guessed he wasn’t particularly interested in sharing his programming knowledge.

“I’m accessing articles on the internet right now, and you seem amazing!” Markov said, flying a little closer to her, his voice increasing in volume. “Is it true that you’re best friends with Ladybug? And Prince Ali? And Jagged Stone?”

“Yes.” (Following them on Twitter counted as friends, certainly.)

“Wow! And is it true Ladybug healed your tinnitus?”

“Of course she did. Her powers can work miracles.”

Ugh, complimenting that skank _hurt_. But she had to get this little robot on her side, she just had to.

“Did you know that napkins can gouge out your eyes, Markov?” Max piped up suddenly, to Lila’s annoyance. That particular lie had been a spur of the moment thing, it was nowhere near her best!

“That sounds ridiculous.”

“But it’s true.”

“Can you prove it?”

“Lila told me so it must be true.”

“Oh!” Markov’s eyes flashed into hearts for a second, and he turned to face Lila again. “In that case it must be true!”

“Markov, are you kidding me?”

Lila was already relieved – yes, the robot was under her charm, just like all the others. “Oh Markov, I saw it happen for myself with my own eyes! When I was on an aid mission in Nepal–”

“India,” Max corrected.

“Nepal AND India, both, I visited both countries on the same trip! Anyway, I witnessed a poor orphan child getting their eyes gouged out by the corner of a napkin, so ever since then I’ve known I have to protect people from them. Like Max! I saved his eyes by deflecting a napkin that Marinette threw at him.”

Markov bobbed up and down with hyper enthusiasm. “Wow, you’re a hero Lila!”

“Well I suppose if you want to call me that then I’m fine with it…”

Max narrowed his eyes. “Markov, how much battery do you have right now?”

Markov paused for a few seconds to check. “Oh dear, I appear to be very low battery, only 2%, I haven’t charged in so long! I’d better go charge right away before I drop down unconscious…”

He zoomed off. Max immediately wheeled round to face Lila.

“I only believed your lies because I was severely sleep-deprived. Markov only believed you because his battery life was so low that most of his internal functions must have been shut down. What are the odds that the rest of the class have been suffering something similar?”

“Not likely,” Lila scoffed. “Everywhere I go everyone always believes me. You’re the only one who doesn’t. Well, and Marinette… and Adrien…”

Her blood pressure was rising, just thinking about those two ungrateful hoes teaming up to take her down. Sure, Adrien was nice to her face. But that didn’t mean that deep down he wouldn’t be a backstabbing two-faced snake in the grass–

“I’ll figure this out,” Max said. “Our class isn’t like anyone else in the world, you know. The constant akuma attacks we face has made us different. I feel like your tricks may stop working on us before long.”

“Oh, you’re so pessimistic!”

“No, I’m realistic.”

What was he even saying? That her charms had some kind of expiry date? Was he right?

But what if…

_Oh_. What if he really was planning to expose her, and then use this as an excuse? _Oh Lila, it’s not MY fault the class stopped believing your lies! I warned you it would happen all by itself! I definitely had nothing to do with it!_

She couldn’t let him get away with something like that!

“Max…” She stepped right up to him, clinging onto his arm and putting on her most winning smile. “You won’t… tell anyone… about my lies… will you? Maxy?”

“I already told you I wouldn’t,” he said flatly.

“Oh thank goodness…”

“And also I’m gay. So don’t try it.”

She let go of his arm, hastily brushing off her sleeve. “I – I wasn’t actually – ahahaha! I mean, me too!”

“Really though?” he said, raising his eyebrows. “Do you really think I didn’t notice you blatantly hitting on Adrien?”

“Forget him! I don’t care that much anymore.”

“Lila…”

Ugh, how could this nerd always tell when she was lying nowadays? It was so inconvenient!

“Fine, I like Adrien!” she huffed. “But I’m not totally lying, I swear! He’s been annoying me lately. And I do like girls. I really do.”

“It would be rather insensitive for me to accuse you of lying about that, so I’ll believe you.”

“Thank you.”

She hadn’t yet used the “coming out” card on the class yet, saving that for when her current popularity inevitably began to dwindle, but for now it was okay that Max knew. She could still keep it up her sleeve to impress her classmates with later, right? Well, she assumed they would be impressed. They should be!

 

 

* * *

 

 

Max had agreed to help Lila with her homework, but it turned out Sabrina had done it all for her.

“Why thank you!” Lila said, taking the paper off the poor girl and lounging back in her library chair. “It’s been so hard for me to write with this sprained wrist, and you’ve all been so kind to me.”

“Anything for you, Lila!” Sabrina simpered.

“Now go take some rest. You need a break from being Chloé’s servant all the time!”

“Of course, right away!” Sabrina rushed off.

Max, sitting beside Lila and trying to get his own work done, rolled his eyes. Lila had already claimed to be ambidextrous, so why would a sprained wrist matter? His classmates were beginning to annoy him with their senseless incompetence.

“What a bunch of dumbasses,” Lila sneered, practically reading his mind.

“They do seem to be acting somewhat unusual.”

“So they aren’t normally like this?”

“No, certainly not.”

“Hm.” Lila rested her head on her arm, looking at Max. “Do you think it’s like that everywhere I go? I wouldn’t know, since people never usually figure out that I’m lying, so I’ve never known anything different.”

“You said that everyone always believes you no matter what, so I’m genuinely starting to think some other factor is at play here. Your presence itself causes people to lose rational thought.”

Lila smiled and flipped her hair. “I know! It’s called being gorgeous.”

“No, I don’t mean that – although objectively you do seem to be on the pretty side. There’s something else going on. Like a character with too many charisma points who keeps rolling 20s…”

He was distracted by the sound of a rather familiar voice, though it sounded much less pleased than usual.

“MAX! There you are!”

Kim stormed into the library, earning glares and shushes from fellow students. He came to a stop right in front of Max with his arms folded. And he did _not_ look happy.

“Um… hi Kim,” Max said.

“Thank you for speaking to me for the first time in two days,” Kim snapped.

“I’ve been busy with–”

“Yes, busy with the celebrity over here, I know. But may I remind you I’m a top class athlete, highest ranked in our age group? I’m a celebrity too!”

Oh, poor Kim. Much like Lila, he liked having attention on him – and didn’t like it when the attention was elsewhere.

“It’s not about being a celebrity,” Max said. “I’m simply studying how… er… how Lila is so charismatic and how disproportionately unfortunate she is.”

There, that wasn’t a total lie. Perhaps he was learning things from Lila after all, and not even in the good way. It did give him a flicker of pride, however, to see Lila smiling and winking at him out of the corner of his eye.

Kim didn’t seem to be cheered up at all, though. “I don’t even know what half those words mean but they sound lame. I know Lila’s cool, but you don’t have to totally ditch me for her!”

“You mean like the entire class did with Marinette?” Max said before he could stop himself. Kim looked furious.

“Marinette was accusing Lila of making stuff up, but I haven’t done anything wrong! In my life! Ever!”

Max decided to keep quiet about a certain panther incident, knowing it wouldn’t help.

“You can feel free to hang out with us too,” Lila said, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. “I know you’ve never done anything wrong. You’re so much fun.”

For a second Kim seemed to give it some thought, but then shook his head and turned back to Max. “You guys are both so smart, I won’t understand a thing you’re saying. And if Max wanted me to be there, he’d have invited me himself! Well too bad, Max. I have a _new_ best friend now. My new best friend is… uh…”

He looked around the library at their fellow students, who were all watching the proceedings with glee. Then he ran over to Alix and picked her up by the scruff of her neck.

“Alix! My new best friend is Alix now, so there.”

Alix seemed to be trying not to laugh. “Cool.”

“See, Max? My real best friend is way cooler than you are. And it’s your fault for completely ditching me, so deal with it. Anyway new best friend, what are you doing? Homework? Should I help you with it?”

“Um, please no…”

“Yes? Cool. I’ll help you with your homework, because that’s what BEST FRIENDS DO.” He dropped her back on her seat and sat down next to her, glaring pointedly at Max the entire time.

Max sighed – was Kim really that mad at him? He hadn’t realized quite how much he had neglected the poor guy recently, too busy being fascinated with Lila’s unusual personality. She had been right about that, hadn’t she? He would always chase knowledge, no matter the cost.

Apparently for now, that cost was Kim…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder to not take this cursed thing seriously, even if I accidentally started doing that towards the end oops
> 
> (Sorry for all the memes. I couldn't help myself.)

Marinette rushed into the room, Tikki at her side. “Master, is something wrong? Why did you call me here?”

Master Fu simply turned to her with a smile. “No, nothing is wrong at all, Marinette! Wayzz has a present for you, that’s all.”

Oh – she had just assumed that if Master Fu actually used his phone to message her about something, then it must be an emergency. It hadn’t fully occurred to her that perhaps an old man and his turtle kwami sidekick enjoyed her and Tikki’s company outside of superhero business.

Wayzz zoomed up, holding a tray covered in cookies up above his head. “I’ve been getting into baking lately and I made these for you! You both like sweet things, right?”

“These are for us?” Marinette took the tray off him, a huge smile on her face. “Thank you Wayzz!”

Tikki flew down and nibbled on one of them. “Mmm, these are delicious!”

“I’ve got plenty more ingredients,” Wayzz said, “so I can always make more of these and give them to you whenever you feel like it so you don’t waste bakery supplies making some for yourself.”

“Thanks!”

Fu beckoned them over. “Now Marinette, what’s bothering you?”

She sat down at the table, her smile falling. “How can you always tell when something’s wrong?”

“When you’ve been alive for 186 years you learn to pick up on these things. So, what is it?”

“This girl at school,” Marinette sighed. “She won’t stop lying to everyone all the time! She’s been akumatized more than once over it, I guess I’m kinda worried about her, but she’s just so… ugh! How does everyone always believe what she’s saying? It’s ridiculous! Her lies don’t even make sense!”

It was hard to restrain herself from flipping the table and straight-up yelling about how upset it all made her. But she had to keep her emotions in check – there was no way she was letting herself become a victim of Hawk Moth. Lila was the worst, but hopefully someday she’d be caught up in her own web and have to suffer the consequences without Marinette needing to do anything at all.

Fu stroked his goatee thoughtfully. “A liar, you say? And everyone believes her no matter what?”

“Yes! I don’t know why the rest of my class is being so weird about it! Only me and Adrien know she’s lying, but he won’t do anything because he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. So it just feels like me alone against the rest of the class, who keep acting all dumb and ridiculous because apparently Lila is just so _amazing_ and _wonderful_ …”

“I see.” Fu picked up his tablet and began scrolling through it. “I believe I read something about this in the grimoire.”

Marinette frowned. “Uh… what?”

“While the grimoire mostly contains knowledge about how to power up one’s miraculous, I did see something that looked oddly like a prophecy. I haven’t fully decoded it yet – it’ll take a lot longer to decode than simple lists of ingredients! – but it certainly mentioned something about a mirrored Cassandra. Someone who is always believed when they are lying.”

Seriously? That was the most surreal, overly-specific nonsense she had heard. Trust Lila to always manage to be the centre of attention no matter what. There was even a freaking _prophecy_ about her, apparently.

Marinette grabbed a cookie and shoved the entire thing in her mouth at once, not bothering to finish chewing before she spoke. “I can’t believe this! Can you let me know when you’ve decoded the rest of the prophecy? I need to know how to break it. I’ve gotta take her down.”

“I certainly will. This is fascinating.”

Oh yes, she knew perfectly well how _fascinating_ Lila was. Hearing Fu treat this as some kind of amusing interest when it was ruining her life just fuelled her anger.

But no, she couldn’t let it overtake her. That would make her a ripe target for an akuma attack. She took a deep breath, trying to get the better of her emotions.

Tikki seemed to sense it, and flew up to gently pat her cheek. “We’ll sort this out, Marinette, don’t worry!”

“You’re right. We will.” She stood up and picked up the tray. “Thank you for the cookies, Wayzz, they’ll be very helpful. And thank you for the info, Master.”

“Of course,” Fu said, bowing his head with a smile. “You’d better get to school now.”

“Yep – see you soon!”

She waited for Tikki to hide inside her purse (with a few cookies as nourishment) before running back out of the door. Huh, these cookies… perhaps if she gave them to her classmates, they’d stop fawning over Lila for once? It was worth a shot.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Max sat at his desk in class, minding his own business. There had been so much seat shuffling lately, what with Lila deciding to sit next to him now and thereby wrecking the natural seating pattern once again, and he wasn’t even sure who was going to sit where today. It seemed to always be changing.

He scrolled over the notes he had made on his phone so far. From what he had gathered, Lila’s lies worked on everyone except for him, Marinette, Adrien, and Ladybug. In his case, his logical mind had allowed him to see past her charisma. In Adrien’s case, he had apparently witnessed Ladybug harshly calling Lila out on pretending to be friends with her, and figured it out from there. In Ladybug’s case, Lila had directly lied about her in a way that was too easy to disprove.

As for Marinette… who knew?

“Ugh, this is the worst week of my entire life.”

Max looked up from his phone to see that Kim had slid into the seat next to him, leaning on the desk looking rather dejected.

“What’s up?” Max asked. “Why aren’t you sitting with your… ahem… new best friend?”

“The midget? I don’t like her anymore.”

“What happened?”

Kim crossed his arms. “She’s so mean and sarcastic to me all the time, like she’s secretly making fun of me and thinks I haven’t noticed. And she’s a traitor! She picked Team Mystic!”

Max had to hold down a laugh – he hadn’t realized Kim still cared about Pokémon Go. “I picked Team Mystic too, remember? You didn’t care when I did it!”

“But that’s because you really are a Team Mystic,” Kim explained. “Alix is clearly Team Valor, like me, but she was a traitor and picked Mystic so that she could be with Nathaniel. Because apparently she already _has_ a best friend. So now I’m back to square one.”

“Kim…” Max wondered if he should even say it. “Why are you talking to me about all this? I thought you were mad at me.”

Kim immediately leapt to his feet. “Well… yeah! Yeah, I am! And I’m not even talking to you, I was talking to like… the air! And you just happened to be nearby! Yeah! And… and stop talking to me! I’m going to find a new best friend!”

He turned around and stomped off towards the other side of the classroom.

“Ivan! Hey new bestie, what’s up?”

“Get lost, Kim,” Ivan snapped.

“Dammit… uh… how about you Nathani– no wait, you’re friends with the traitor, I can’t talk to you… Chloé? No, never again… hmm…”

At that moment the classroom door was flung open and Marinette strutted in, a tray piled with cookies in her hands. “Free cookies everyone! Come and get some!”

“AHA, MARINETTE!”

Kim vaulted over several desks and leaped into such a sudden hug that Marinette almost dropped the tray.

“Kim?! What are you d–”

“Friendship ended with everyone else, now you’re my best friend.”

Marinette grinned. “Because of the cookies?”

“No, because you’re awesome!... Well yeah, and also cookies.”

Max was becoming uncomfortably aware of the jealousy rising up in him – he did miss Kim’s friendship, after all. Was this what it had felt like for Kim to watch Max ditch him for Lila? He was understanding now why Kim was so upset.

He simply sat and watched as the rest of the class crowded around Marinette, grabbing cookies and thanking her for bringing them. It wouldn’t be fair of him to have one himself, not when he was partially responsible for her new role as class outcast. He was aiding Lila in her lies and slander.

And beginning to not feel so good about it.

Lila herself slinked into the room, glaring daggers at Marinette as she made her way over to Max, but keeping silent enough. Only when she had sat down did she hiss, “Is that shallow bitch really trying to buy everyone’s attention with cookies?”

“Much like you do with lies,” Max said.

“Hey! I thought you were on my side!”

“I promised two things – that I wouldn’t expose your lies, and that I would be your friend. I haven’t exposed your lies yet. And as your friend, it’s my duty to be honest with you.”

Lila sighed. “You’re right… none of them really care about me, do they? They just think I’m cool, and they admire me for it, which I suppose isn’t exactly the same thing…”

“I do believe they’d care about you if you told the truth, you know. But then again you do seem to have some compulsion to lie. Whether it’s a bad habit due to the fact that everyone believes you no matter what, or whether it’s a fundamental personality trait or something, like narcissism, I can’t be sure.”

“You think I’m a narcissist?”

She sounded rather vulnerable for once, unlike her usual confident self. Max shrugged.

“It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a bad person. And anyway, I don’t know.”

Lila nodded and rested her head on the desk, staring over at Marinette and the cookies again. From what Max knew, he could guess that the jealousy must be killing her right now. Surely it was taking a lot of self-restraint to not be stealing away the attention.

Well if she could blatantly lie and get away with it all the time… why not give it a try?

Max cleared his throat and stood up. “Hey everyone! Announcement! Did you know that I did surgery on a grape?”

They all turned to glare at him immediately.

“Nice try, Max.”

“Not likely.”

“Stop making stuff up.”

He sat down again, annoyed – though he noticed that it had made Lila smile, at least.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Lila soon had a rather unsettling revelation. She was so used to lying, her mind working furiously to keep her story consistent at all times, always on edge, that being able to let her guard down around Max was… well… _refreshing._

She didn’t want this! It was almost unbearable, the thought that the lessons of some goody two-shoes like Adrien or Marinette were actually right. That maybe it was easier not to lie all the time.

But it really was fun to spend time with Max, and the fact that she could be truthful around him was undeniably a factor in that.

“I don’t really live in a mansion,” she admitted, sitting with him on the park bench eating her sandwiches. For once she didn’t feel like spending lunch at school, where she’d just pressure herself into lying yet again and impressing those sickeningly dumb classmates of hers.

“I know that,” Max replied.

“Can you tell when I’m lying?”

“It’s starting to become obvious, yes.”

Lila pointed up at a window in one of the apartments nearby. “That’s where I really live. Maybe I’ll let you visit one day. As long as you promise not to judge, because it’s not as nice as I said it was.”

Max grinned. “I’m not going to judge you for that, Lila! You’ve done a lot of worse things in your life than lying about having a nice house.”

“What do you mean?” she huffed.

“I mean like purposely getting yourself akumatized in order to get revenge on Ladybug.”

“Yeah well I hate Ladybug! She’s so annoying, and so mean! She yelled at me in front of Adrien, and she–”

“Did I hear someone mention me?” came a voice from behind her.

Lila turned around to see – oh come on! Stupid Ladybug! She didn’t want to talk to her right now, or ever again!

Ladybug was standing there with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot, a frown on her rather unimpressed-looking face. For some reason Kim was standing beside her, like some kind of sidekick. Maybe that heartbroken idiot had decided to enlist Ladybug’s help in his ridiculous revenge against Max or something. Whatever it was, it was none of Lila’s business. What she cared about was _Ladybug_.

“What do you want?” she snapped. “I’m not even on a date with Max, so no, you can’t ruin it this time.”

“That’s not why I’m here.”

“Wait, I thought you guys were friends?” Kim said, looking between them.

“Well I thought you and Max were friends, but you went and told me you wanted to be my best friend instead, so I let you. Maybe Lila is good at abandoning friends too.”

Lila scowled. She’d forgotten she was supposed to be friends with this stupid bug, hopefully that wouldn’t ruin things.

“Anyway Lila,” Ladybug continued, “I have a question for you. Do you happen to know anything about a prophecy?”

“What are you even talking about?” Lila said.

“Answer the question: yes or no.”

“No! What prophecy?”

Ladybug leaned in close, her frown deepening. “Are you telling the truth?”

“Yes!”

“Or are you lying? You know… like you’ve done plenty of times before?”

“No! I’m not a liar!” Horrified, Lila glanced over at Kim to see what he would think. Trust Ladybug to go exposing her in front of someone again! “I don’t know anything about a prophecy, I swear!”

For a few seconds Ladybug’s eyes drilled right into her own. Then she finally stood back upright again. “Fine. I’ll believe you this time. But I advise you to tell the truth more often, or no one will believe you when you do. And you two? Kim and Max? Take this girl’s words with a pinch of salt.”

Lila hid her face in her hands, humiliated once again. Come on Hawk Moth, time to send out an akuma, she needed it–

“Nothing wrong with some harmless bragging, I do it all the time!”

She peeked through her fingers to see Kim smiling at her, not concerned at all. Did he really not care?

“True,” Max added, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I was already used to Kim’s bragging.”

“I once said I could run faster than a panther!”

“He really did, it was ridiculous.”

She lowered her hands, a strange sense of relief washing over her. Thank goodness Max was sticking up for her, in a way that didn’t reveal that he had already known about her lying. And Kim seemed to think that her lies were just mild exaggerations like his, as opposed to the complete fabrications that they actually were. Her cover was still intact for now.

Ladybug didn’t look pleased, however. “If I were you I would keep the ‘bragging’ to a minimum. It might not be as harmless as you think. Anyway I’ve got things to be getting back to, come on Kim, let’s go…”

She picked him up in her arms, the way she did with civilians that needed rescuing, and yoyoed off with him. Lila watched them, the familiar Ladybug fury returning.

_“Begone, thot,”_ she muttered.

“Lila, what was that about a prophecy?”

She unclenched her fists and turned back to Max. “I seriously have no idea. I could get Hawk Moth to akumatize me again and then ask him if he knows, but…”

Max was shaking his head. “No more getting akumatized. It’s not good for you.”

“I know…”

She did miss the power that being an akuma villain gave her. But hey… she could always just talk through her problems with the smartest kid in class. Whatever this was, they’d get to the bottom of it.

For now she changed the subject. “So Kim’s new best friend is Ladybug, I see.”

“It won’t last. Ladybug is merely humouring him; she doesn’t actually form attachments with civilians. It would be dangerous.”

“You miss him, don’t you?”

Max was silent for a few seconds before answering quietly. “Of course.”

“Did I steal you away from him?”

“It wasn’t your fault, it was mine. I should have balanced things better.”

“Yeah, but I was the one who told you to be my friend.”

“I would have done that anyway!”

“But it was because of me lying that this happened in the first place! I’m…”

She trailed off before saying it. There were certain words that she hadn’t said very often at all in her life, and these were some of them.

“…I’m sorry.”

There! She had said it.

Max looked taken aback for a few seconds, to her annoyance.

“What, did you think I’m not capable of apologizing?” she said. “You’re my friend, Max. If I owe you an apology, I’ll do it.”

He smiled. “Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.”

Having finished her sandwich, she picked up a napkin to wipe her fingers with–

Oh.

He _flinched!_ She saw it!

“Napkins can’t really gouge out your eyes,” she said, barely holding back a laugh.

“I know, I know.” He shook his head. “I just… I just have a bit of an aversion to them now I suppose. A bad feeling about napkins in general.”

“Maybe you’re psychic, and that’s the prophecy. The next time you see Marinette she’ll yeet another napkin at you and it’ll smash your glasses and take your eyes out.”

He gave her a light shove, grinning. “It can’t happen, not with you around to save me in spite of your sprained wrist.”

She laughed – honestly, it was so nice to have someone to make jokes with about how absurd everything was! No one else ever made her laugh so much. Everyone else was just so boring. And she had never really had an inside joke with anyone before. This was great.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“I’ve managed to decode the prophecy page in the grimoire,” Fu said, as Marinette and Tikki sat in front of him munching their way through more cookies. Marinette really needed those cookies, honestly, because something about Lila just irritated her beyond belief.

“What does it say?”

“It states that a mirror Cassandra will be born with a curse upon them, such that no matter what they say, they will believed by all.”

“Yep, that’s Lila alright,” Marinette mumbled. “I wouldn’t call it a curse, though…”

“There are three main counters to the prophecy, and they will have the power to break the curse. One is the righteous, who will oppose the mirror Cassandra. One is the lackey, who will abet the mirror Cassandra. The last is the apathete, who will neither oppose nor abet.”

“Let me guess, I’m the righteous one?”

“I cannot say, but it would seem so.”

“Well how do I break Lila’s ‘curse’?”

Fu scrolled down a little. “The righteous gives the mirror Cassandra an opportunity to break the curse. The lackey gives them a motive to break the curse. And the apathete will ensure the restoration of balance. But the mirror Cassandra must themself _choose_ to break the curse. If they do, then from that point on, their lies will have no power on anyone.”

“What does any of that mean, Master?”

“I’m not sure. This page in the grimoire was written on a much softer sheet of paper, and I wonder if that itself provides a clue…”

Marinette turned to Tikki. “Do you have any idea what this all means?”

Tikki shook her head. “Sorry, I don’t! But hopefully we’ll find out soon enough.”

“So if I’m the righteous, because I’m opposing Lila, then who are the others?”

She lost herself in thought. The apathete – that must be Adrien. He knew Lila was a liar, he knew perfectly well, and yet he did absolutely nothing about it. While it was clear that he didn’t exactly _approve_ of it, he certainly wasn’t going to help Marinette take her down!

That just left the lackey.

Oh boy, did that make Marinette mad.

Someone who knew Lila was lying, and _helped her with it._

Helped Lila dupe all their classmates. Helped her ruin Marinette’s life. Helped Lila be Hawk Moth’s stooge and attack the city.

Someone was complicit in all of this.

Marinette gulped down the rage, trying her absolute best to keep a clear head. Whoever this “lackey” was, she was going to find them.

_And they were going to pay._

 

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m sure if you just apologize to Kim then he’ll take you back,” Lila suggested, giving Max an encouraging smile.

“Maybe…”

He couldn’t help feeling glum. Kim had cycled through practically the entire class in a bid to find another friend like Max, and apparently had come up short, considering that he once again sat alone in the corner of the dining hall. All Max wanted was to go over and talk to him – but Kim rather pointedly was refusing to look anywhere near him.

“Want me to help you with it?” Lila asked.

“Nah, I think this is something I should do myself.”

“You’re right! I should leave you alone for a bit, and then maybe he’ll come over and say something, since he seems to be a bit shy when I’m around – I’ll be back in a few minutes, now go get your friend back!”

“Lila, wait–”

Before Max could protest, Lila had already given him a wink and ran off.

Well now what? Was he supposed to go up to Kim and say something? What could he even say? Despite what Lila had said, it didn’t look like Kim was going to bother coming over here to say anything at all.

Max stared at his food, vaguely registering when Marinette walked past carrying a few napkins in hand towards her table.

“Be careful with those,” he muttered absent-mindedly.

Marinette snapped round to face him. “What did you just say, Max?”

“I – I was kidding! They’re just napkins, I know…”

Marinette strode over and slammed her hands down on the table, napkins and all. “Oh, so you know they’re not going to gouge out your eyes, despite what your precious Lila told you? You think I haven’t noticed the two of you being inseparable lately? Do you know she’s a liar, or are you book-smart and street-dumb?”

Max had no idea what to say without betraying Lila’s trust. It seemed that Marinette could already figure out the truth from his silence alone, though.

“I knew it!” she yelled. “It’s you! You’re – you’re her _lackey!_ You knew the whole time she was lying and you just let her totally wreck my life like that! Ohhh, and to think I thought you were cool…”

“Marinette, I didn’t mean it like that! I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone–”

“Why would you even do something like that?! God, Max, you – you – UGH!”

She turned away and stormed off, sitting down with a thwump on the other side of the room and stuffing a pair of headphones over her ears while she dried her tears with the napkins she had been carrying.

Oh, poor Marinette! Max hadn’t even realized that everything Lila had done had affected her that much. It was true, the class had been much cooler towards her in general, but he had assumed she would bounce back from that like she did with everything else. He had never seen Marinette like this before – not even from anything Chloé had ever done.

Was this his fault? Maybe at least some of it was…

His thoughts stopped in their tracks as he saw something small and black fluttering down from the skylights.

Was that…?

It was.

_Oh no._

“Marinette, there’s an akuma!” he yelled, hoping to get her attention despite her back being towards him. “Marinette! The akuma’s coming! Oh my god she has headphones on – she can’t hear me–”

He watched in horror as the akuma fused into her headphones. No, not Marinette, not cheerful, optimistic, ray of sunlight _Marinette Dupain-Cheng_ …

Within a few seconds a flood of dark bubbles washed over her, and she stood up to reveal her akuma transformation. A tall winged angel, with a dress that seemed to be made entirely of soft paper, razor-sharp napkins dangling off her sleeves. The headphones had transformed into a halo atop her head. She slowly turned around to face him with a deranged smile – complete with pointed fangs.

“Hello there, Max.”

She flapped her wings and began floating slightly off the ground. Her voice was echoey and cold.

“Marinette, I didn’t mean for you to get akumatized,” he said quickly, taking several steps back. “I’m sorry about what I did, I–”

“I’m not Marinette. I’m the one, the only, the righteous Napqueen. _And I’m here to take your eyes.”_

What?

He barely had any time to react before Marinette – well, Napqueen – flicked her wrist and shot one of the napkins at him. Diving out of the way, he managed to just about dodge it. There was an almighty crack as it hit the wall on the other side of the room.

How were those napkins so powerful? Usually they wouldn’t be anywhere near as strong or as sharp…

No! This wasn’t the time to be thinking about things scientifically. He needed to get out of here.

But as he ran towards the door, following everyone else who was fleeing the room, Napqueen leapt in between and blocked his path.

“No, Max. You’ve been interfering with my righteous advance. I oppose Lila and everything she stands for. If you have chosen her side, then I oppose you too. Now give me your eyes, or I’ll take them!”

Max picked up a chair and held it out in front of him as protection, hands shaking. “Um… will it be painful?”

“Of course it will.”

“Well then no thanks.”

“No thanks?! Why, you little–”

She paused as a butterfly-shaped mask of light flickered on in front of her face. Frowning, she put a hand up to her temple as she listened to Hawk Moth’s instructions.

“I will get you the Miraculouses later! I mean… do you really need Ladybug’s? Isn’t just Chat Noir’s okay? …Are you sure? …Do you even have pierced ears? …Seriously, Ladybug’s is totally unnecessary… no, no reason or anything…”

Max took advantage of the diversion and made a hasty exit from the room.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Lila stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, an unwelcome sense of disgust permeating her vision. Max was sad right now, and it was her fault! She had made him abandon Kim! She was responsible for her friend being sad.

And what had caused that? Her lies, of course. Those stupid lies. She had never thought they could ever be a problem, not when everyone always believed what she said. But now, for once, she couldn’t stand it.

“Watch yourself,” she said, jabbing a finger at her reflection. “You’d better treat Max right, or else.”

Her reflection just glared back at her. Oh, what was she even doing? Moving to this city had flipped her entire life upside down. Everything had been so simple before, and now it was a mess.

To tell the truth, she had never truly cared about anyone before getting here. Before she had made friends with Max.

He clearly disapproved of her lies, it was so obvious he wanted her to be truthful – not just with him, but with everyone.

Was it worth it? Changing her ways?

She could always start it off simple. Tell people that she had just been bragging, like Kim. Then move onto manipulating everyone into forgetting the exact lies she had told before, and twisting them into the truth. No, she hadn’t had permanent tinnitus, it was temporary… not from saving Jagged Stone’s kitten from a runway, but from a predator… a toy kitten… not Jagged Stone’s…

Yes! That would be what she would do. She could make a new start.

The sound of a crash somewhere distracted her. What was going on? Probably an akuma attack, they were always happening.

She gave her reflection one last glare before leaving the room and hurrying towards the courtyard to see what was wrong.

Up in the sky was what looked like an angel, dressed all in white, wings keeping her in the air as she looked down at the ground far below.

_“Where’s Max?”_ the angel boomed. “The Napqueen demands his eyes as payment for his crimes!”

Lila’s brain kicked into a protective mode that she had never experienced before. What was this feeling? She couldn’t tell! All she knew was that she could not let anyone hurt Max. Never.

The angel had flown off somewhere else now, and Lila ran to keep her within view. There was no way she was just standing by while someone had it out for her best friend.

She managed to make it out onto the street, out of breath, and saw that Napqueen was much lower to the ground now, laughing maniacally.

“Oh Max, there you are! Did you think you could escape the advance of justice? Your glasses can’t protect you now. Your eyes _will_ be mine.”

That voice! It sounded so familiar!

Closer now, Lila could see that Napqueen had what looked like a paper napkin in hand, and was playfully tossing it up and down in one hand. Not just any napkin – one that was sharper and tougher than any Lila had seen before, judging by the way it didn’t bend at all.

Napkins…

Uh-oh – surely it couldn’t be Marinette. That girl had already been through a lot, and had never been akumatized before. What had been the final straw that pushed her over the edge? What had Max done? Was it some kind of repeat of the napkin incident?

But then again, that had been _Lila’s_ fault too. She was the one who’d made up the napkin story in the first place. She was to blame.

And she couldn’t let Max suffer the consequences.

Just as Napqueen threw her napkin with an absolutely ferocious amount of force towards Max’s face, Lila took a running leap right into the napkin’s path.

Everything seemed to happen at once. She landed on the ground a second later, a huge gash on her hand from where it had batted the oncoming napkin away. Oh her wrist, it _killed_ – she curled up around it, tears forming in her eyes.

“Oh, _you!”_ she heard Napqueen yell. “You have a heavy price to pay too! You’ll see, I’ll take your eyes too Lila, and–”

“NOT SO FAST!”

Lila blinked away the tears and looked up to see that Chat Noir had arrived on the scene. Thank goodness! She had never been so happy to see him! He stood in front with his baton extended and ready.

“Chat Noir!” Napqueen gasped. “You dare try to stop me? Your ring will make an excellent prize for Hawk Moth, and your eyes will be an excellent prize for me, so come here kitty…”

“I like ice cream, but not that kind of eye scream!”

“Be quiet!”

She shot a napkin at him, which he deflected, and they began to battle. Lila looked back down at her wrist. It was at a funny angle and the blood ran right down her arm.

“Lila?” Max ran over to sit beside her. “You… you just saved my eyes… you sacrificed yourself for me…”

Despite the pain, she managed to chuckle. “Of course, Max! You’re my friend.”

He held something out at her. “Your phone fell out of your pocket when you jumped to save me, the screen is broken.”

She looked down at her disjointed, broken reflection on the cracked surface. “Do you think Ladybug’s powers will fix it?”

“Probably. Your wrist, too.” He carefully put an arm around her, thankfully managing to avoid moving her hand at all. “Where is Ladybug anyway?”

“Who knows…”

“Well thank you for saving me. You’re a hero too, you know.”

She shook her head, the tears beginning to fall for real now. “It was the least I could do! I ruined Marinette’s life, I r-ruined your friendship with Kim, I’ve been m-making a fool out of our whole class, I’ve been tricking and lying to everyone my whole life… but it didn’t make me happy, only you being nice to me did that…”

Max wiped a tear away with the tip of his thumb. “To be very honest, I’m not brilliant at dealing with friends who are crying. But I want you to know that I truly do enjoy your company, and I believe you can change for the better. And that you want to.”

She nodded, sniffing. “I do. I do want to.”

“I’ll help you.”

“Thank you, Max.”

She hugged him with her uninjured arm. His friendship really had been good for her, hadn’t it? Perhaps she could find it in her to be at least a little proud of herself for deciding to do the right thing.

Then she saw the tiny little red thing zooming over with a cookie in hand.

“Who is the akuma?” it squeaked, in a voice so high-pitched it was barely audible. “Is it Marinette?”

“Uh… yes,” Lila replied, unsure if she was hallucinating or not. The little creature’s eyes widened.

“Oh! Oh no… um… you see, I’m Ladybug’s kwami, but she’s…. she has the flu! And cannot transform! I’ll just have to defeat the akuma myself…”

A kwami? Lila had heard that phrase on occasion, probably on the Ladyblog or the news or something, but she hadn’t seen one before. She watched it fly up towards Napqueen and Chat Noir’s battle until it became so small and far away that she could no longer see it.

“Was that real?” she asked.

“Yes, I saw that too,” Max said, frowning. “If Ladybug is too ill to transform and her… _kwami_ must defeat the villain instead, then I’m not sure if your wrist will heal…”

They sat and watched the battle. With some effort, Chat Noir managed to smash Napqueen’s halo, releasing the akuma, and though it happened so far away it was impossible to be sure, it looked like the kwami _ate_ the butterfly in order to purify it. Or something.

Marinette materialized into her normal self down on the ground, with Chat Noir and the kwami looking over her in concern.

“Wh… what happened?”

“You were akumatized and Ladybug has the flu so she couldn’t help!” the kwami said rather hastily. “Anyway I need to get back to her to… er… look after her, so I’ll be going now – goodbye!”

The kwami whizzed off out of sight somewhere. Marinette looked up at Chat Noir now.

“I was akumatized? Oh no, I didn’t mean to, I tried not to let my anger get the better of me but…”

“It’s okay,” he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “The important thing is that we could fix it. I guess even without Ladybug here, as long as her kwami’s around we can still keep the balance, right?”

“Yeah… balance…” She frowned suddenly. “But I thought the apathete was… hang on!”

“I can’t, sorry, I used my Cataclysm on your halo and I really gotta go – take care though! See you!”

With that, he made a swift exit. Marinette sat there for several seconds looking rather shocked, like she had come to some revelation. Eventually she shook herself out of it and picked up her broken headphones off the ground. Yep – with no Ladybug around, none of the damage done had been fixed.

Marinette stood up and walked over to Lila and Max. “Um… guys? I’m sorry if I attacked you…”

Lila shook her head. “No, I’m sorry… You were right. I’ve just been lying all the time and making your life hell. And now I…” The pain came back to her, and she clutched her wrist, wincing. “…I have to pay the consequences…”

“Did I do that to your hand? Oh Lila…”

“It wasn’t your fault! I was just trying to stop the napkin from hitting Max, so…”

“So you really did save his eyes! Huh.”

Max cleared his throat. “Marinette, I’m sorry for getting you akumatized. I really am. You were right earlier, I shouldn’t have been helping Lila to do the wrong thing.”

“Well I’m glad that her wanting to save you prompted her to do the _right_ thing.” She smiled. “You guys… you’re alright. Truce.”

Lila smiled back, nodding. “Truce.”

At that moment there were loud footsteps running across the ground. Lila turned just in time to catch a glimpse of Kim before he picked Max up in a hug so tight it must have been stifling.

“MAX! I just saw all that! Oh man I was so worried about you, you could have died…”

“Kim? I thought you were mad at me!”

“I miss you,” Kim sobbed. “I know you’ve been trying to talk to me recently but I was b-being stubborn…”

Max gladly hugged his friend back. “I’m so sorry for ditching you, you’re more important to me than some stupid research project…”

“So I can hang out with you again?”

“Of course!”

While those two were still hugging, Marinette took hold of Lila’s uninjured hand and helped her to her feet. “We’d better get you to a nurse. And it looks like you’re gonna need a new phone.”

On instinct, Lila waved her spare hand and said, “No problem! My mum’s friend is CEO of Samsung, I can get one for free whenever.”

Kim immediately let go of Max and wheeled round to face her. “Lila, that is the most far-fetched thing I’ve ever heard.”

She did a double-take. Did Kim just… _not believe her?_

“I have a pet platypus,” she said.

“Pffffff, as if.”

“My great-grandmother built the Titanic.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I can run faster than a panther.”

“And lemme guess, you can swim faster than a dolphin too? Lying about sports is my thing, go find your own turf!”

She stared at him, mouth hanging open in surprise.

_Kim didn’t believe her lies anymore._

“I have to test this out on someone else,” she muttered, before ignoring her bleeding hand and running off to find the nearest person.

Rose! There!

“Rose! Did you know I’ve climbed Mount Everest?”

Rose frowned, tapping her chin in thought. “Do you mean like in a video game or something? Isn’t it really hard to climb in real life?”

Yes, yes, it was still happening – she had to find more people–

“Juleka! I’m a licenced tattoo artist!”

“Lila you’re like 15…”

“Hey Mylène? Mylène! I’m mutuals with Beyoncé!”

“It’s not funny to joke about things like that.”

It was still happening. No one was believing her anymore.

Something had happened to change things.

“Lila, there you are!” Max had managed to catch up with her. “You’re losing blood, you really need to see the nurse.”

“No one believes my lies anymore,” she said, a huge grin on her face. “Max! I don’t know how it happened but we did it!”

“You’re happy about this?”

She nodded eagerly. “I want to stop lying. Now I’ll have to.”

“Good! I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks!”

“But seriously, we have to get you to the nurse…”

Dizzy now from the blood dripping everywhere, she allowed him to take her arm and followed him down the corridor. Wow… a new era of her life was starting now. An era in which she willingly sacrificed herself for her friends, and it wasn’t a lie. She truly was turning into the hero she had always claimed to be.

Could she someday be a real Volpina? A _good_ Volpina?

She hoped so.


End file.
